Maxine
Fourteen ornaments for the woman who says what everyone else is only thinking. Created by John Wagner in 1986. 160 million cards sold by 1997. Curly gray hair, stooped posture, the sharpest wit in any room — and fourteen years of Christmas ornaments that are significantly more honest about December than most of the others on the tree.
The collection's definitive entry — the most honest Christmas ornament title in the Keepsake catalog. Five words. No ambiguity. Maxine's entire philosophy in one ornament.
The Christmas ornament pun that required the least explanation and the most coffee. "He's making a list and checking it twice, and frankly, no one's on the nice list."
The 1994 Light ornament — QLX7503 — is the collection's earliest Magic entry and the most technically ambitious, featuring light effects that are exactly as cheerful as Maxine permits.
A 25-Year-Old Cartoonist, His Mother, His Aunts, and 160 Million Cards
John Wagner created Maxine in 1986 for Shoebox Greetings — Hallmark's new "tiny little division" designed as an alternative to the sentimental card you'd send when you "care enough to send the very best." He was 25 years old. He drew a brazen older woman with a stooped back, a mop of curly gray hair, and an abrasive personality he described as "little short of sandpaper." He based her on his mother, his grandmother, and his maiden aunts. Before the character had a name, people at Shoebox had been calling her "John Wagner's old lady," which he knew would get him into trouble with his wife. So Shoebox held a naming contest. Approximately 30 entries were submitted. Three of them suggested "Maxine." The name fit perfectly.
Hallmark was nervous. A spokeswoman noted that when Maxine first came out, the company worried that older people might be offended. It turned out to be the opposite: they loved her. By 1997 — eleven years in — over 160 million Maxine cards had been sold. Wagner syndicated the character as the comic strip Crabby Road through Universal Press Syndicate in 1990, a first for a greeting card character. Wagner retired from Hallmark in 2011, but Maxine kept working. "She has NOT retired," Hallmark noted pointedly, "and is in fact coming on strong — as only Maxine can." The Keepsake ornament collection ran from 1993 through 2016, producing fourteen entries that documented Maxine's approach to the Christmas season in titles that ranged from "I Don't Do Jolly" to "Crabby Mall-idays" to "Bah Humbug" to "Here Comes Crabby Claus." The collection is exactly as festive as you'd expect.
"Cartoonists are sensitive to the insanities of the world while trying to humanize them. If Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who feels lonely or someone who is getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, then I'm happy. Putting a smile on someone's face is what it's all about."
— John Wagner, creator of Maxine
I Don't Do Jolly — 2002
Five words. No ambiguity. The most honest Christmas ornament title in the Hallmark Keepsake catalog, and the one that most accurately describes the philosophy of the woman on the ornament. "I Don't Do Jolly" is not a complaint or a threat — it is simply a statement of fact about a character who has been consistently honest about her feelings since 1986. Hanging this ornament on the Christmas tree is not a rejection of Christmas; it is an acknowledgment that December contains more human experiences than relentless jolly-ness, and that the person in your household who is not jolly deserves representation too. Maxine represents them. She always has.
Shop I Don't Do Jolly →The Christmas Tree Needed Someone Like This
Most Christmas ornaments are aspirational — they represent the Christmas you are trying to have: warm, beautiful, nostalgic, joyful, perfectly decorated. Maxine ornaments represent the Christmas you are actually having: slightly exhausted, slightly crabby, more caffeinated than you'd planned, unenthused about mall traffic (the 2004 "Crabby Mall-idays" Light & Motion ornament takes care of that specific complaint), and inclined to carol in a manner described as the "Crabby Caroler." The Maxine Keepsake collection is the ornament collection for people who find the aspirational version of Christmas faintly oppressive and who would like the Christmas tree to acknowledge the existence of Bah Humbug alongside its Good Tidings.
John Wagner understood what he was making: "If Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who feels lonely or someone who is getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, then I'm happy." Maxine's function was never to complain without purpose — it was to humanize the insanities of the world, to make the person who is not jolly feel seen and represented and funny rather than deficient. The Christmas ornament collection ran from 1993 through 2016, producing fourteen entries that document fourteen years of Maxine's relationship with December. She does not do jolly. She does do honest, funny, and occasionally dressed as Crabby Claus. The tree is better for having her on it.
Tips for the Collection
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01Display the 2002 "I Don't Do Jolly" at the front and center of the tree. The most honest ornament title in the Keepsake catalog earns the most prominent position. It is the ornament that most immediately communicates Maxine's essential quality, and it is the one visitors to the tree will read, pause, and then laugh at. Display it where it can be read. It says something true about December.
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02The 2004 Crabby Mall-idays and 2005 Crabby Caroler are the collection's most technically impressive entries. Both are Light & Motion ornaments — Maxine's seasonal complaints expressed with the full resources of Hallmark's Magic ornament technology. Position them where they can be plugged in and experienced; a Maxine ornament with light effects is significantly funnier than one without.
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03The 2016 Star Trek Cosplay is the collection's most unexpected finale. The final Maxine Keepsake ornament features Maxine in Star Trek cosplay — a Comic-Con tribute that takes the crabby old woman and puts her in a genre she would presumably find exactly as irritating as she finds everything else. It is the collection's best closing joke: Maxine going out in a Star Trek costume rather than any of the more predictable Christmas formats. It is a very Maxine way to end.
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04The Maxine collection is the ideal gift for the person who genuinely does not do jolly. You know who they are. Every household has one. They drink too much coffee, they have strong opinions about mall traffic and holiday carolers, and they would describe their current relationship with Christmas as "functional." These ornaments are for them. They will be appreciated more than most.
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05All 14 Maxine ornaments, 1993 through 2016, are at Already Christmas. The complete collection — from the founding 1993 Maxine through the 2016 Star Trek Cosplay finale — is in the collection. Bah Humbug. All fourteen here.
Every Maxine Keepsake — 1993 to 2016
She doesn't do jolly. She does do Light & Motion, Crabby Claus, and Star Trek Cosplay. Click any ornament to shop.
John Wagner was 25 years old when he drew a brazen older woman with curly gray hair and an abrasive personality little short of sandpaper. He based her on his mother, his grandmother, and his maiden aunts. He had no idea what he was creating. By 1997, 160 million cards. In 1993, her first Christmas ornament. In 2002, "I Don't Do Jolly." In 2016, a Star Trek costume and a final exit. She doesn't do jolly. She never did. The tree is better for it.
All fourteen here. Bah Humbug.
✦ Part of our Collection: Hallmark Original Characters, Explored ✦